now and agian

now and agian

the only living boy

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Who wants this dog???

[Oct. 9th, 2005|06:32 pm]

[	mood	\|	vindictive	]
[	music	\|	minus the bear-2 star hotel	]

yes?

and snowball

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its not the fall	[Oct. 5th, 2005\|10:19 pm]
its not the fall that keeps her down. its not the leaves dieing or the cold mornings you have spent walking quickly to your class its not missing friends missing youth misssing me missing you. its not the slow movement of the clocks hand stretching this shadow across the lonely room. what is it about the fall that makes you break i thought you would land with that same grace
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fall smells wonderful

[Sep. 15th, 2005|04:44 pm]

[	mood	\|	amused	]
[	music	\|	two star motel- minus the bear	]

im going to miss summer just as much as the next schmoe but parden me if i say the fall is absolutely wonderful and winter is well winter just is.

i am madly in love with my wife laura where ever she may be.

moving band equipment to townhouse...
brooke is gonna be pissed.

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i'm paying luxury tax out the ass on baltic avenue	[Sep. 13th, 2005\|06:31 pm]
slowly the leaves are changing. i wanna go to the cider mill and take pictures with everyone at cranbrook under the trees.its wondeful the leaves changing one word Kalkaska i have ended up in a basement for the past 4 nights and every night has been something different.god bless the town house those yippies over there are sweet. my tongue sharpens with age. so long sangsara and on and on
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and yet a nother poem...	[Sep. 5th, 2005\|02:08 pm]
A Cigarette and Smoke After sex a cigarette that is all i ask for The only thing i want out of this these few minutes after sex we are calming and quite as we both delight in the pleasures of our vices after sex it is a cigarette and then on to your start towards the door i reach for my plaid boxers and my undershirt now we have the words to say finally we have caught our breath i don't care for this part, the words, more is to be said for two people in a bed, in a room quite lighting this beautiful connection we are the same smoke waiving in perfect circles arnt we just the perfect circle. one moment shared no conflict no words just a cigarette and some smoke.
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(no subject)	[Sep. 4th, 2005\|05:41 pm]
Weird weather And i am plotting our future (Cigarette half lit) The stale smoke reminds me of the ashtray laying next to your bed Plucking roaches from half empty cigarette boxes Shit to do (i breathe) I miss your bad habits. I miss you. The phone goes dead she's gone again.
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(no subject)	[Aug. 12th, 2005\|09:54 pm]
you've found your target darlin let her rip
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(no subject)	[Jul. 31st, 2005\|06:12 pm]
i wanna drive until there is not a sound for miles and scream my lungs red. WHAT DO YOU NEED FROM ME? please let me know it could all be so much easier if we were grown ups. my life is a run on sentence out of a bad romance mystery novel. yayas chicken on the table peaCE
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The Habit and Jakes Ride Home

[Jul. 31st, 2005|06:02 pm]

In winter flesh is gaining trust.

Missing out on the extraordinary satisfaction of
intercourse and the humane way of living
so then this is were boredom sets in,
sinks to the pit of your stomach allowing

You to breath-in just enough to clean
out the skeletons in your closet and the monsters
under your bed. now you can sleep tonight

My friend. now you can open your eyes
your dreams no longer haunt you

I wish that i could be there to hold your hand
realizing i cannot i stray away from
insanity by keeping my feet on any
stable ground. you're stable maybe for
him but not for me. it gives off a dark

Emanating brush of a feeling held close to
your gorgeous eyes in hesitating
ever so sweetly. come claim my heart and
steal me away from this pen & ink dream.

blend 27 and chocolate milk
by the only living boy on Jul 19
In Category: Other. 2 total.

wake me in the morn
ing before you go.
the party was
nice all of our
frie
nds were there.
they
were
waiting to
          see
           you
smile.

Please don't be angry.
waiting
    there
    in your solitude.
watching us and missing out.
    we
are       missing
    you
now.

They made you beautiful.
I brought you cold and alone.
(I've torn
your
heart out)
on the auction block ready to be sold.
the highest bidder any and all who wish to carry the burden of broken hearts and burning dreams.

Set me high,
upon
the mezzanine
in the ba
ck
reading a magazine

How
did
we
get
to
see
what
we
are
learning
to be?

How did it get to be that you are just learning to please?

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missing you doesnt begin to explain this	[Jul. 19th, 2005\|11:01 pm]
........My life in plus and minus at the age of 20........(no peticular order) + new apartment + promotion (moving on up) + $200 a week raise + Suzanne at century 21 taking me under her wing (finding my niche) + mustang 69 (very hush hush) - living the life of a 37 year old and missing out on my "20 somethings" ( its no fun) + kyle ryan jason and the rest of the beautiful walled lake crowd + fenton girls + women in general + Taxi cab Shane - marc in canada +smoke-a-bowl-athon in ann arbor - the dent in my honda + proud owner of 2 pianos -2 shitty pianos +the ability to fight or flee (priceless) +the west bloomfield farmington crew +chicago with carol ( i saw chris and we were both wearing lacosse polos mine was pink but damn hott) - 110 in the shade + florida to see zephian + looking this good + working out + food + sex + SHELTER + learning how to be comfortable in between adult and child (just in time)
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(no subject)	[Jun. 12th, 2005\|07:05 pm]
come a little closer i want to see how you have changed. a pat on the back left for no words to comfort you and shit is this world crazy. we are only as big as the smallblades of grass we crumble under nike tenis shoes. welcome this reality accept we are nothing in order to be everything omnipresent. shit's crazy.dab alcohol on scars and heal wounds with painless poisons in a glance it seems the world was on the edge of me as my tongue spat violently on passers by. this drive way is way to long it really never ends i can see the lights lifting off the pavement down to the gravel and dirt there begins the wild. take two steps till you are over the edge and dogs will howl. and shit isnt it all a little crazy. the madness of our everyday lives living up to everyone else living up to ourselves. making our mistakes count out loud in a rhythmic sense of great encouragement.safety first and then the trigger. you were once my safety he is now your trigger break and bend the wind wont echo without it.touching skin to skin. and we are all a little crazy.
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in reply	[May. 2nd, 2005\|09:11 pm]
if i had to explain to you what is going on right now i dont know that words could express the way that i feel. i feel for the first time in my life i am alive, out of love and completely comfortable with my given situation. i am getting rid of old bagadge and keeping only the connections that make me happy all the time. i will no longer settle for mediocricy in my firendships. to many people have abused my love and friendship towards them and the kindness i show. you ave hid from me that i was a good guy. and whats worse is that it is my fault i enabled everyone by acting like it was ok that this was happening to me. i am truly a happy person and i want only happy people to be around me and so i challenge you to look inside of yourself and say what have i done today or in the past to help ed in anyway i dont want to know hear about it its an internal thing. if you come up with a small list or none at all you probably wont be hearing from me anytime soon. i cant keep giving away the good things in me and only get shit in return.i will ware myself down. and i am not sacrificing myself for these people who continue to use me and hurt me. thank you and goodnight, edward william collins
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it was my birthday	[Apr. 20th, 2005\|08:37 pm]
yeah yesterday was my birthday happy birthday to me. i apparently havent really kept close to any of my old friends so im sure none of them would remember and i cant blame them i guess thats the tax of getting older. falling apart. onward and upword well i move into my house this 13th of may. it will be great to have a house and a swimming pool and 3 acres of land to do with what i please. i think i'll fall asleep by my pool alot. 5 years ago it was so exciting everything and now its all dull careers families losing touch the price of growing up is high. though dispite this i am still happy i guess im just a little jealous. it seems everyone else can make mistakes brush it off and be forgiven i only wish i was granted the same curtisy but to no avail. anyway happy birthday edward william collins way to turn 20. 364 days to go.
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to think the world go's round still	[Mar. 16th, 2005\|02:06 am]
st. patrick its been to long. well i was hoping to be in boston at this time but it seems like the trip is off. life has been good to me and for me in these past months and i cant say i have a thing to complain about. i guess thats good seeing as the world doesnt hault for someones bad day. spring will be here soon i cant wait i absolutely adore spring time everyone in love and happy with the season. most of them just happy the winter is over. i do enjoy the winter but there is so much to be said for the cool breeze and rain of the sping months. and my birthday being in april just makes the season start off on the right foot. (i just plugged my birthday) thats funny. my bones are aching with anticipation for it. meeting new and exciting people. making new friends. im just excited. good things are on there way pre packaged, rapped in bubble rap in a box filled with white shipping peanuts. im going to run more. back to five mile fridays. definetly a time to get and stay healthy.membership to lifetime. hey if anyone knows anything about dreams i keep dreaming i am a super hero and i am saving an ex girlfriend and then we ball room dance on the streets of some big city. i might also be an angel. i have wings underneath my trench coat and i took two peoples souls to heaven.no halo though. it feels so good to breath.
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we smoke the days away in treason	[Feb. 22nd, 2005\|04:20 am]
train of thought the marlboro man died the sun rises and we all fall to the ground apathy apathy apathy blisters on four fingers and chipped yellow finger nails bit off more than i can chew its cancer my dancer the crowed gathers to watch us bleed so we give them a show shed our flesh i am jacks broken crown i am jill falling down i am an imovable force curled tightly in a ball of security feed me your impurity prick me with pins and needles until i am john denver flying into rocky mountians high id rather be the black box and tell the story of the crash the cigarette is still smoldering and the marlboro man is dead
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oh what a world we live in	[Feb. 18th, 2005\|01:42 pm]
hahahahahahahahaha.......that is what i have to say about you and your loverboy. if i could i would spin the world backwards so we only got younger and i wouldnt know a thing about you. and i'd stop the spinning on a kiss with you and live there forever.but i cant spin the world without some intervention. so i am froced to live the here and now wide eyed and tongue tied hoping for another chance. its just hard for me to know right now where i will end up.
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the chimney sweep's wife	[Feb. 12th, 2005\|12:52 am]
it is now 1:02 and this is all i've written... 1:03 1:04 is it safe to say i am officially the new poster boy for being board on such a fine evening home is a safe bet its secure and it will be there. this my beloved friends is not an ok mind set. I mean theres things i could do i could have gone to canada with mud dog and the carwash millionaires but instead im a workaholic and i stay at work from 7:00 to 8:00. i drove my brother around and hung out a bit. we had some fun and then i plunked down here.the ticking of the clock seems endless its in my brian constantly. its a quiet muffled sound but its there and its tell me i better get up and go becaus eeverything i ever wanted everything i dreamed of is right at these fingertips and if i can take that step and reach a little more they will be mine. we all have the power to make and break ourselves and so far i have been beaten and battered but not broken. but we as human being are all fragile. we are all so easily broken. like ice sculpters. and i guess that's why i named this segment the chimney sweep's wife. but you dont get it. and neither do i right now but i will when i grow up.
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(no subject)	[Jan. 27th, 2005\|06:53 pm]
"Ever yone ha s no doubt he ard the schtick about putting a mil li on monkeys in front of typew riters and so oner or later one of th em will ran domly type Hamlet. Sometimes the stars line up just ri ght and you end up with something that sounds like it's de scended from other things but it turns out it can't be, so you're stuck wondering how it got there. "
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just walk

[Jan. 16th, 2005|04:34 am]

he wanted to leave this town
so he packed his bags
and he
walked out
   of his
     room
and
out of his
     house
and then
down the street
and out of this town

he wanted out and
he
just
left.

all of it staying behind

part of him staying behind.

he walked out of this town.

he just left

left them all wondering

and
on
the
way
out
of
thi
s
town

he said goodbye.

and on his way to cross the
        street
             from
        this
           town
he was hit
   by a bus.

he died
leaving this
town.
he died leaving,

leaving it all
behind.

and somehow i envy this man.

get up.
leave.
leave it all behind.
for something to believe in.
for something you believe in.
    someone
         you
           believe in.
and when you grow up
       and you live the same life your parents live
and you love like your parents love
and you believe what they believe
and your up by six to make it to the starbucks before work
                                man
                           this
then tell me you dont envy this man
                           this
                                man
he just got up and walked out
to believe in something
         for someone he believed in

he wanted out and
   he
   just
   left!

imagine that.

e.w.collins

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I'll send you a postcard	[Jan. 13th, 2005\|03:26 pm]
too much too little or to late too fat too thin or too bad laughter or tears or immaculate unconcern haters lovers armies running through streets of pain waving wine bottles bayoneting and fucking everyone or an old guy in a cheap quiet room with a photograph of Marilyn Monroe. there is a loneliness in this world so great that you can see it in the slow movement of a clock's hands. there is loneliness in this world so great that you can see it in blinking neon in vegas,in baltimore,in munich. people are tiredstrafed by life mutilated either by love or no love. we dont need new governments new revolutions we dont need new men new women we don't need new ways we just need to care. people are not good to each other one on one people are just not good to each other. we are afraid. we think that hatred signifies strength. that punishment is love. what we need is less false education what we need are fewer rules fewer police and more good teachers. we forget the terror of one person aching in a room alone unkissed untouched cut off watering a plant alone without a telephone that would never ring anyway. people are not good to each other people are not good to each other people are not good to each other and the beads swing and the clouds ubscure and dogs piss upon rose bushes the killer beheads the child like taking a bite out of an ice cream cone while the ocean comes in and goes out in and out in the thrall of a senseless moon. and people are not good to each other.
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